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How to cope with your abuser?

Sometimes it looks hopeless. Needless to add that all these
activities have to be pursued legally, preferably through the
good services of law offices and in broad daylight. If done in
the wrong way - they might constitute extortion or blackmail,
harassment and a host of other criminal offences.

(1d) Lure Him

Offer him continued Narcissistic Supply. You can make a
narcissist do anything by offering, withholding, or threatening
to withhold Narcissistic Supply (adulation, admiration,
attention, sex, awe, subservience, etc.).

(1e) Play on his Fear of Abandonment

If nothing else works, explicitly threaten to abandon him.

You can condition the threat (”If you don’t do something or if
you do it - I will desert you”).

The narcissists perceives the following as threats of
abandonment, even if they are not meant as such:

Confrontation, fundamental disagreement, and protracted
criticism When completely ignored When you insist on respect for
your boundaries, needs, emotions, choices, preferences When you
retaliate (for instance, shout back at him). II. I can’t Take It
Any Longer - I Have Decided to Leave Him

(IIa) Fight Him in Court

Here are a few of the things the narcissist finds devastating,
especially in a court of law, for instance during a deposition:

Any statement or fact, which seems to contradict his inflated
perception of his grandiose self. Any criticism, disagreement,
exposure of fake achievements, belittling of “talents and
skills” which the narcissist fantasizes that he possesses, any
hint that he is subordinated, subjugated, controlled, owned or
dependent upon a third party. Any description of the narcissist
as average and common, indistinguishable from many others. Any
hint that the narcissist is weak, needy, dependent, deficient,
slow, not intelligent, naive, gullible, susceptible, not in the
know, manipulated, a victim.

The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these and, in
an effort to re-establish his fantastic grandiosity, he is
likely to expose facts and stratagems he had no conscious
intention of exposing.

The narcissist reacts with narcissistic rage, hatred,
aggression, or violence to an infringement of what he perceives
to be his entitlement. Any insinuation, hint, intimation, or
direct declaration that the narcissist is not special at all,
that he is average, common, not even sufficiently idiosyncratic
to warrant a fleeting interest will inflame the narcissist.

Tell the narcissist that he does not deserve the best treatment,
that his needs are not everyone’s priority, that he is boring,
that his needs can be catered to by an average practitioner
(medical doctor, accountant, lawyer, psychiatrist), that he and
his motives are transparent and can be easily gauged, that he
will do what he is told, that his temper tantrums will not be
tolerated, that no special concessions will be made to
accommodate his inflated sense of self, that he is subject to
court procedures, etc. - and the narcissist will lose control.

Contradict, expose, humiliate, and berate the narcissist (”You
are not as intelligent as you think you are”, “Who is really
behind all this? It takes sophistication which you don’t seem to
have”, “So, you have no formal education”, “you are (mistake his
age, make him much older) … sorry, you are … old”, “What did
you do in your life? Did you study? Do you have a degree? Did
you ever establish or run a business? Would you define yourself
as a success?”, “Would your children share your view that you
are a good father?”, “You were last seen with a Ms. … who is
(suppressed grin) a cleaning lady (in demeaning disbelief)”.

Be equipped with absolutely unequivocal, first rate, thoroughly
authenticated and vouched for information.

(IIb) If You Have Common Children

I described in “The Guilt of the Abused - Pathologizing the
Victim” how the system is biased and titled against the victim.
Regrettably, mental health professionals and practitioners -
marital and couple therapists, counselors - are conditioned, by
years of indoctrinating and dogmatic education, to respond
favorably to specific verbal cues.

The paradigm is that abuse is rarely one sided - in other
words, that it is invariably “triggered” either by the victim or
by the mental health problems of the abuser. Another common lie
is that all mental health problems can be successfully treated
one way (talk therapy) or another (medication). This shifts the
responsibility from the offender to his prey. The abused must
have done something to bring about their own maltreatment - or
simply were emotionally “unavailable” to help the abuser with
his problems. Healing is guaranteed if only the victim were
willing to participate in a treatment plan and communicate with
the abuser. So goes the orthodoxy. Refusal to do so - in other
words, refusal to risk further abuse - is harshly judged by the
therapist. The victim is labeled uncooperative, resistant, or
even abusive! The key is, therefore, feigned acquiescence and
collaboration with the therapist’s scheme, acceptance of his/her
interpretation of the events, and the use of key phrases such
as: “I wish to communicate/work with (the abuser)”, “trauma”,
“relationship”, “healing process”, “inner child”, “the good of
the children”, “the importance of fathering”, “significant
other” and other psycho-babble. Learn the jargon, use it
intelligently and you are bound to win the therapist’s sympathy.
Above all - do not be assertive, or aggressive and do not
overtly criticize the therapist or disagree with him/her. I make
the therapist sound like yet another potential abuser - because
in many cases, he/she becomes one as they inadvertently collude
with the abuser, invalidate the abuse experiences, and
pathologize the victim. (IIc) Refuse All Contact

Be sure to maintain as much contact with your abuser as the
courts, counsellors, mediators, guardians, or law enforcement
officials mandate.

Do NOT contravene the decisions of the system. Work from the
inside to change judgments, evaluations, or rulings - but NEVER
rebel against them or ignore them. You will only turn the system
against you and your interests.

But with the exception of the minimum mandated by the courts -
decline any and all gratuitous contact with the narcissist.

Do not respond to his pleading, romantic, nostalgic, flattering,
or threatening e-mail messages.

Return all gifts he sends you.

Refuse him entry to your premises. Do not even respond to the
intercom.

Do not talk to him on the phone. Hang up the minute you hear his
voice while making clear to him, in a single, polite but firm,
sentence, that you are determined not to talk to him.

Do not answer his letters.

Do not visit him on special occasions, or in emergencies.

Do not respond to questions, requests, or pleas forwarded to you
through third parties.

Disconnect from third parties whom you know are spying on you at
his behest.

Do not discuss him with your children.

Do not gossip about him.

Do not ask him for anything, even if you are in dire need.

When you are forced to meet him, do not discuss your personal
affairs - or his.

Relegate any inevitable contact with him - when and where
possible - to professionals: your lawyer, or your accountant.

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Do you have an active family? Are your kids involved in soccer
or little league? What sports are high on your priority list -
running, golf, tennis?

American Sports Data, Inc. estimates: - 50.6 million people over
the age of 6 exercise frequently, participating in single
activities (running, cycling, treadmill) - 39.9 million
participate in recreational sports (basketball, tennis,
softball) - 15.3 million people are active outdoors (hiking,
mountain biking, skiing) - 3.2 million players are registered
with the U.S. Youth Soccer Association

If you pound the pavement, swing the club, or bat the ball,
there is always the chance for injury. Is your family prepared
with a sports first aid kit that meets your needs? Many
commercially packaged first aid kits contain basic supplies.
Sure, they might offer limited help for simple emergencies. But
is your first aid kit prepared to handle your child’s rugby
injuries or treat a sprained ankle on the soccer field? How
about your knee pain after a marathon?

The answer is to create your own customized kit that fits your
family’s sports first aid needs. Chances are you already have
many of the necessary supplies on hand. Here’s how you get
started.

1. Evaluate your needs by the type of sports your family
participates in. Is there the likelihood of bumps, cuts, and
bruising that might occur in contact team sports? Or are overuse
injuries more prevalent such as runner’s knee, golfer’s
tendonitis, or tennis elbow?

2. Decide what supplies best fit the type of injuries you have
described, such as bandages and ointment for cuts; ice pack for
pain and swelling; sunscreen for sun burn.

3. Find a roomy, insulated tote to carry your supplies. Why an
insulated carrier rather than one of those little, plastic boxes
that most first aid kits come in? Because you need to carry at
least one, preferably two frozen, reusable ice packs in your
sports first aid kit. Most kits only contain an instant,
one-time-use, chemical ice pack. This is usually not sufficient
to numb pain or reduce swelling. The best and most effective
treatment for many injuries is to immediately apply a frozen ice
pack for several 15 to 20 minute sessions. This will help lessen
pain, reduce swelling and treat bruising. And an insulated tote
will keep your ice packs cold for several hours.

Here is a list of suggested supplies to include in your family’s
sports first aid kit:

Information: First aid guide or manual

General: Matches, Scissors, Travel Toilet Paper, Anti-diarrheal,
Antiseptic wipes, Tweezers, Needle (for splinters), Thermometer,
Safety pins, Flashlight, Disposable gloves, Mouthpiece (in case
of using CPR), Blanket, Plastic Zip-lock bags (to keep supplies
dry), Tissues

Emergencies: Cell phone, Whistle, Personal alarm, Pepper spray,
Emergency phone numbers, Maps (with directions to nearest first
aid)

Pain and Swelling: Cold pack, Ibuprofen

For cuts, scrapes, blisters: Bandages of different sizes,
Antibiotic cream or hydrocortisone cream, Mole skin dressing
kit, Sterile gauze, Adhesive tape, Antiseptic solution,
Non-stick gauze pads

Sun protection/heat exhaustion: Misting water bottle, Cold pack,
Sunscreen, Lip balm, Aloe Vera lotion

Fractures, strains, sprains, pulled muscles: Neoprene joint
braces, Compression bandage/ice wrap, Cold pack, Two triangle
shaped pieces of cloth for a sling or tourniquet

Dehydration: Filled water bottle, Sports drink

Allergic Reactions: Calamine lotion, Epinephrine (for bee
stings), Antihistamine, Recommended medications

Insect Bites: Epinephrine (for bee stings), Insect repellent,
Cold pack (reduces swelling of bug bites)

Assemble your supplies and customize your family sports first
aid kit for each event or outing.

Disclaimer: This information is not intended as a substitute for
professional medical treatment or consultation. Always consult
with your physician in the event of a serious injury.

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My daughter’s first birthday was bearing down on me and I was straining to find a unique first birthday gift. So the question becomes do I do it small or do I try to blow the doors off the place. As always, I would have loved to have made a scene and dropped the baby gift bomb on her and her Dad but since the was the first birthday, was I doing this for my daughter or myself. Was a unique first birthday gift blow out necessary?

I knew I was going to keep the affair small and intimate with just the family. My oldest child was a boy and I had not blown it out for him as much as I wanted to because I thought it would not serve him well and he wouldn’t remember it but because I personalized with my daughter I felt compelled to get crazy. Finally I decided to share the birthday live equally and began searching for a small but meaningful unique first birthday gift for my daughter.

I searched all over for the perfect unique first birthday gift for my daughter and I just couldn’t find the right item that says “I Love You” and I knew would continue to meant something to her for years to come with out finding its way to the bottom of the junk drawer. The I found it online and a unique gift shop online that offers a unique gift catalog. A unique gift catalog that allow shoppers to browse though many different types of gifts until you come the right one. I purchased a beautiful silver baby bangle from Shodega.com. It was the right unique gift. My daughter is older now and says when she has a daughter; she will give the silver baby bangle to her daughter. I keep my sanity by ordering the unique gift online and having it shipped right to my door and now the unique gift will someday be on the arm of my granddaughter at her first birthday. Keep from losing your mind and find your unique first birthday gifts here.

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Having a shower for second baby used to be considered greedy
and unacceptable. But now it is not only acceptable, but it is
actually necessary for some families to have a baby shower for
second baby. Though mom-to-be may already have a lot of the
major items from her first baby. Crib, stroller, high chair -
she will need many other items.

Moms-to-be always need things like diapers and wipes,
undershirts, bath accessories, and feeding supplies. Second baby
showers could actually be a “sprinkle” shower. A “sprinkle”
shower is where guests buy only the necessities rather than
having a full-blown shower.

You could also consider finding out from mom-to-be what she
wished she had but didn’t get the first time around. Then add
those items to the suggested gifts. It could also be a “Bear
Necessities” theme decorated with all sorts of bears for the
shower for second baby.

You could have baby showers for second baby for a caboose baby,
or a baby born much later than other babies. Might be very
similar to a first time baby shower. Most likely, if there are
many years between babies, these parents no longer have any baby
items and will be in need of all types of gifts for the second
baby showers.

For moms-to-be who already have enough for the baby, you might
consider having a “mom” baby shower where everyone brings a baby
shower gift for mom-to-be instead of for the baby. These can be
items with which she can pamper herself, or items that she may
need while she is in labor.

Sometimes the mom-to-be doesn’t need anything for the baby or
for herself, but she wants to have a get together with friends.
For this type of party, you may want to ask guests to bring
unwrapped baby gifts. You can all wrap these gifts at the party,
label them, and then donate them to a charity in mom-to-be’s (or
baby’s) name.

Baby showers for second babies can be directed towards helping
out a new mom after the baby is born. If you hold the shower
close enough to the baby’s birth you can have a “Freezer
Party.” This is where baby shower guests bring assorted
dishes that can be frozen and heated up so mom-to-be doesn’t
have to worry about cooking. At least for the first week or so
that she is home from the hospital.

“Helping Hands” are great for baby showers for second
child. Ask guests not to buy gifts, coming instead with a
homemade coupon redeemable for their services. These services
can include babysitting an older child making dinner, or
cleaning the house while mom and baby are still in the hospital.

You may even want to throw a baby shower to remind the mom-to-be
that she won’t always be pregnant. Suggest buying gifts like
sexy lingerie, sinful chocolates, and exotic beverages. All
those things she has to keep away from while pregnant. Keep in
mind that if you give alcoholic beverages to a nursing mother
make sure she also has a breast pump and knows how to use it!

A gift certificate for a massage, dinner, or even a pre-natal
class is a great idea as well. And don’t forget that mom-to-be
will probably need nursing bras plus post-natal support garments
as well (these might be fun as gag gifts).

© Copyright Randy Wilson, All Rights Reserved.

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Parents, family, and caregivers devote themselves to the
welfare of children. Yet, even with love and devotion, 80
percent of deaths of children under five-years of age are
avoidable. More then half of those deaths are caused by mistakes
in the administration of medications given to benefit the child.
An even greater number of children are injured or suffer serious
side effects from inadvertent errors of common health aids found
in most homes.

Before giving any medication, whether prescription or
over-the-counter, (OTC), child care providers must know the
weight, age, allergies, and sensitivities of the patient. Plus,
it is vital that caregivers know what and when other medications
and foods have been ingested by the child. An up to date list of
medications and dosages should always be available. A great way
to record food and medications given to children is with a daily
log kept in a visible place for all adults, (parents, family,
baby-sitters, and nannies), to use and communicate with one
another.

Before administrating any prescription medication to a child,
the caregiver must assess the child’s needs: know what to give,
why the child needs it, how to contact the professional that is
prescribing it, when to give it, how to store it, where to
refill it, and at what cost the medication can purchased. Be
aware of probable side effects and how to manage them if they
occur. Know whether to give the medication until it is finished
or only until symptoms abate. Keep the phone number of the
prescribing physician and pharmacy visible in the event of
questions regarding reactions or directions.

Since each person has a unique chemical composition, side
effects and each individual’s reaction to a medication cannot be
anticipated. Unexpected reactions must be reported to a licensed
medical provider. No medications that have expired should be
given to anyone at any time. Do not follow the advice of a
friend, neighbor, or grandparent, however well meaning,
regarding the treatment for a child. Seek the best advice from a
trained professional and not merely from a convenient source.

OTC preparations pose a special challenge for child care
providers. They require no prescription, are widely available,
and are relatively inexpensive. Yet, they can be hazardous if
used inappropriately. Child care providers must carefully read
and understand the labeling found on every package.

The following categories are found on every medicine package
label:

Active Ingredients: The first panel on the label lists
the active ingredients and their purposes. This section provides
the chemical name of the active chemical and how it is intended
to work for the patient.

Uses/Indications: This section explains which symptoms
the active ingredient is supposed to treat.

Warnings: The warnings section alerts the caregiver to
conditions, or people, that should not use the particular
medication without the specific advice of a physician.

Directions: The directions explain the dosage and
administration of the medication. Always use a manufacturer
provided measuring device and not a kitchen teaspoon,
tablespoon, or dropper. Household goods vary widely in size and
cannot be depended upon for proper dosage.

Other Information: Other information listed often notes
proper storage and gives pertinent information about how and
when the product should be taken.

Inactive Ingredients: The inactive ingredients listed on
the medication label are the chemicals in the compound that are
presumed to have no effect on the body. Dyes, preservatives,
fillers, and food colors are among the compounds listed on this
part of the label. A child may be allergic or sensitive to any
of these ingredients, even though they are called “inactive.”

Kids are not small adults. Do not dilute or reduce the dosage
of adult products and dispense them to children. Pediatric oral
medications are often sweetened to make the palatable. However,
they are not candies and like all medications, should be kept
out of the reach of children.

Adult medications that are especially dangerous to children are
analgesics, anti-depressants, sleeping pills, and tranquilizers.
Safety caps should be used and tightly secured, whether
prescriptions or OTC preparations.

Some common ailments and popular products used as treatments
may cause problems for children. Runny noses, stuffed noses, and
post nasal drips are among the conditions that prompt a doctor
to prescribe an antihistamine or a decongestant, or a
combination of the two. Dry coughs and incessant coughs
typically require expectorants and/or cough suppressants. Some
common side effects include:

Antihistamines generally cause fatigue, loss of appetite,
and dryness of the mouth and throat. Overuse can cause
respiratory failure and weight loss.

Decongestants can cause nervousness, sleeplessness, and
heart palpitations.

Expectorants can cause nausea and vomiting.

Suppressants can cause chest pain and lethargy.

Paradoxical side effects may occur at anytime. That means
that for a small minority of patients, what normally causes
lethargy, may cause excitation in a particular patient.

Any instance of overdose of any medication requires prompt
emergency medical care. Be aware that any sudden change in
behavior or health requires medical attention. The side-effects
cited in this article are representative only and not nearly a
complete list of all possible problems medications can pose for
children.

Parents may give certain herbs to children due to the
inaccurate belief that they are all natural and cannot hurt, and
might help, children.

The most popular herb is Echinacea. According to the German
government, only one of the four species of Echinacea is useful
as a cold preventative. That form is not even available in the
United States. Some children, especially those who are allergic
to ragweed, may be allergic to Echinacea. The alcohol-based
tincture form of Echinacea can be irritating to mucus membranes.
Further, recent studies find no benefit from the use of
Echinacea.

Some people use large doses of Vitamin C to prevent or to treat
a cold. Large doses of Vitamin C can cause stomach upset,
diarrhea, and heartburn.

Honey is popularly used to relieve sore throat, or to mix with
lemon to relieve colds. Honey should not be given to any child
under one-year-old because of the risk of infant botulism.

Multivitamins can be toxic to children. Iron-containing
vitamins are a threat to children and should not given to
children without the advice of a physician.

Headaches, sore throats, and other pain should be treated with
ibuprofen or acetaminophen, but never aspirin. Aspirin should
not be give to anyone under 19-years-old since it is a
salicylate that can react with a virus that can cause the
dangerous Reyes Syndrome. The adult formulation of Pepto Bismol,
Kaopectate, and willow bark are also salicylate-containing
compounds and must be avoided by infants, children, and
teenagers. Use ibuprophen or acetaminophen in forms designed for
pediatric use, rather than smaller doses of adult formulations.

Vomiting, nausea, and diarrhea are all potentially dangerous
conditions that may lead to dehydration. Pediatric electrolyte
replacement drinks are appropriate. Diluting adult electrolyte
replacement drinks will give the patient a drink that is too
acidic for a child.

There are many effective strategies to relieve the discomfort
of teething but Anbesol to be used by adults and liquor may burn
the gums and should be avoided. Cold gel pacifiers are a better
choice.

Intestinal gas and heartburn are treatable with a large variety
of safe products. Use those made for the age of the child. Too
much antacid can cause constipation, diarrhea, or stomach
cramps. Over dosage of acid blockers can inhibit digestion.
Track the diet of children with stomach or digestive discomfort
for a few days to check if there is a sensitivity to some food.

Among the most effective methods to prevent the spread of
illness is careful and frequent hand washing. Plain soap and
water are all that is necessary.

If a child is cranky because of fatigue, do not give medication
to quiet the child. Most complaints are temporary and
self-limiting and do not require medication. Sufficient sleep
and a nutritious diet often allows the body to heal itself.

References: For complete contact information for
resources contact Be the Best Nanny Montly Guide. 1.
American Botanical Council 2. AMA Family Medical Guide 3rd ed.
3. National Council on Patient Information and Education 4. City
Futures, Inc. 5. Integrative Medicine Communications 6.
Courtroom Television Network LLC 7. dt.gov.uk 8. Family Health
and Medical Guide 9. Griffith, H.W. Complete Guide to Vitamins,
Minerals, and Supplements. 10. Institute for Safe Medication
Practices 11. KeepKidsHealthy.com 12. KidsSource.com 13.
Merchant, Anne. M. The Nanny Textbook. 14. The PDR Family Guide
to Prescription Drugs. 15. pediatrics.aappublications.org 16.
Physicians’ Desk Reference. 17. Prevention Magazine’s Nutrition
Advisor.

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Interracial dating and intermarriage has increased in the last
century due to greater human mobility and multiculturalism. It
should be remembered that personal preferences and the presence
or absence of prejudice are irrelevant to people who are born
and die in the same town or city, which was often the case
before the invention of the automobile and the jet plane. Before
the 20th century, with the exception of soldiers and traders,
most people rarely interacted with foreigners.

Even the term “interracial dating” is subject to interpretation.
Often people take it to mean marriage between caucasians, asians
and blacks. However, most people have strong historic, national
and linguistic identities as well, which may cause more
interpersonal differences than just ethnological definitions of
race. For instance, most caucasians would not view a union
between Korean and Japanese nationals as a “mixed marriage”;
however, many Koreans and Japanese would heartily disagree.

According to USA Today, in America 6% of marriages are
interracial; in 1970, it was less than 1%. A Gallup Poll on
interracial dating in June 2005 reported that 95% of 18- to
29-year-olds approve of blacks and whites dating. About 60% of
that age group said they have dated someone of a different race.

This level of tolerance did not always exist. Anti-miscegenation
laws used to be very common in America. They were first passed
in the 1600s to prevent freed black slaves from marrying whites.

More such laws were passed in the 1700s and 1800s as a response
to an influx of Chinese and Filipino laborers, almost
exclusively male. In this case, anti-miscegenation laws were
part of a larger anti-asian movement that eventually led to the
Chinese Exclusion Act in 1882 and other restrictive regulations.
These laws actually excacerbated ethnic tensions because asian
men were no longer allowed to bring their wives to America.
Those who wanted to marry had no other choice but to find a
non-asian partner.

After World War II, racial barriers began to lessen somewhat as
U.S. servicemen who had fought and were stationed overseas in
Asian countries returned with asian “war brides” of Chinese,
Japanese, Filipino, Korean, and Vietnamese origin.

It was only in 1967, during the height of the Civil Rights
Movement, that the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that miscegenation
laws were unconstitutional (Loving v. Virginia). At that time,
38 states still had formal laws on their books to forbid the
marriage of whites and non-whites. In this era, these laws still
had widespread public support: just two years earlier, a 1965
Galllup poll found that 72 per cent of Southern whites and 42
per cent of Northern whites still wanted to ban interracial
marriage.

Especially in the Southern states, there was widespread public
fear specifically over predatory black men lusting after white
women, and white women being unable to resist their charms.
Black men who merely looked at white women were in danger of
being lynched. In one famous case, a 14 year-old black boy named
Emmett Till, who whistled at a white woman, was murdered by
Mississippi Klansmen in 1955. There was no similar level of
high-pitched racist hysteria about black women or asians.

Studies consistently show that asians have the highest rates of
intermarriage, and that Japanese are the most likely to have a
white spouse. Those who are most likely to marry within their
own ethnic group are Vietnamese men and women, Korean husbands
and Asian Indian wives. Most asians who marry a non-asian have a
white spouse; intermarriage with blacks and latinos is less
common. However, even among asians, most people still marry
someone of their own racial group. 22 percent of Asian-American
women have a non-asian husband. A mere nine percent of asian
husbands have non-asian wives

The 2000 Census showed a gender disparity in the composition of
interracial couples. The Census Bureau confirmed many black
women’s complaints that white women tend to marry black men more
often than white men marry black women. Currently, six percent
of black husbands are in an interracial marriage, compared to
only two percent of black wives. Fourteen percent of black men
who are cohabiting without marriage have a white woman living
with them, while only three percent of cohabiting black women
live with a white man. African-American men had white wives 2.65
times more often than black women had white husbands. In other
words, in 73 percent of black-white marriages, the husband was
black. This trend is even more pronounced among black-white
couples who cohabit without being married; in this case, five
times as many black men live with white women as white men live
with black women.

18 percent of Asian wives have white husbands, while merely
seven percent of asian husbands have white wives. The sex ratios
of asian/white couples is the mirror image of black/white
marriages. Asian women had white husbands 3.08 times more often
than asian men had white wives. In other words, slightly more
than 75 percent of white-asian couples featured a white husband
and asian wife. However, unlike the situation with black/white
couples, the gender imbalance is slightly less with cohabiting
couples; only 2.09 times as many white men cohabited with asian
women as asian men cohabited with white women.

Black-asian marriages, such as the one that produced golf legend
Tiger Woods, are still rare, but here the gender imbalance is
even more pronounced than interracial pairings involving whites.
86 percent of black-asian couples consisted of a black husband
and an Asian wife. This means that there were 6.15 times more
couples where the husband was black and the wife was asian than
where the husband was asian and the wife black.

Non-Hispanic whites marry other whites 96.5 percent of the time,
with little difference between men and women in the rates of
intermarriage.

Slightly less than 18 percent of Hispanic wives are wed to
non-Hispanics husbands, and a little over 15 percent of Hispanic
husbands have non-Hispanic wives.

This gender discrepancy has grown larger over time; in 1960,
white husbands were found in 50% of black/white marriages, and
in 62% of asian/white marriages. The social result of this
imbalance is a lack of marital opportunities for black women and
asian men.

It is tempting to blame media-driven social stereotypes for the
large gender discrepancy in black and asian intermarriage. Black
men are prominent in sports have frequently been depicted in
films as icons of virility. Americans engage in hero-worship of
sports figures, and despite the average low income of lack
males, elite black athletes are rich and famous.

Black women are rarely cast in highly sexualized film roles.
However, black women are prominent in sports, and are often on
stage as glamorous singers and dancers. In addition, black men
are have high incarceration rates, earn lower incomes and are
less likely to get post-secondary education than black women.
For practical reasons, one would expect black women to be viewed
on average as more desirable mates than black men.

However, according to a 2005 study done at Columbia University
by Aaron Gullickson, black with college degrees are 35% more
likely to enter into interracial marriages than blacks with less
education, and lower-class blacks showed “strong isolation from
the interracial marriage market”. Whites who marry blacks engage
in cherry-picking, removing only the most successful individuals
from a disadvantaged minority community sorely in need of
successful role models. The Columbia study showed no correlation
between educational level and interracial marriage for white
spouses of blacks. The image of asians may be more clear-cut and
consistent; Asian women are presented as quiet, delicate and
exotic. Asian men, with the exception of martial-arts films, are
portrayed as “nerdy”, unathletic intellectuals. In fact, asians
(both men and women) are slightly smaller than the national
average size. Asians have been called a “model minority”, for
they tend to be well-educated, hard-working and law-abiding.
However, judging from the low rate of intermarriage for asian
men, it seems that these old-fashioned personal virtues are less
appealing to women than a hypermasculine, macho image.

In the search for a mate, people say they are high-minded and
look for beauty within, and that their mates’ personalities are
the most important factor in determining the outcome of a
relationship. Yet it is abundantly clear that people are quite
superficial and still to adhere to age-old sex stereotypes :
women find muscular, aggressive males attractive, while males
idealize the image of non-threatening, demure, petite women. In
the public’s mind, if not in reality, black men and asian women
fit these social roles, and are therefor most fashionable as
dates and spouses.

2005 Census data was derived from counts of all 54,493,232
married couples in America as of April 1, 2000. Due to the large
population surveyed, these statistics are extremely reliable.
Census enumeration is made once every 10 years. The Census
Bureau also releases annual Current Population Survey reports on
“Families and Living Arrangements,” but these are based on
sample sizes too small to be entirely trustworthy.

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